March 4, 1937 - December 20, 2010

Last night, at 7:15pm, my mother finished her fight on this earth. God sent his angels and family members to usher my mother home. She'd been sick for the past six years, with this last year being really taxing. She'd been in and out the hospital since November with an infection due to the port for her dialysis.

My mother was a strong woman, she fought til the bitter end. Even when her heart was slowing down, it would speed up for a second or so and start to slow down again. What had started out that morning was to be a meeting with her doctors for decisions on when to move her to hospice, ended with us saying goodbye.

She'd been on a ventilator for the past few days, that's when I knew it was close to the end. We met with the hospice care nurse and signed some paper work. I remained at my mother's side while my father left. He couldn't take it, it was too much for him. My sister went home to change her clothes and get food. I remained, holding her hand and having my last conversation with her.

They were ready to unhook everything by 4pm. I was going to let them do it, but then I felt that she wouldn't have held on long enough, so I asked if we could wait until my sister returned. By 5:30, my sister was back with two of our life long friends. At that point my mother was awake! Her eyes were fully open and she started squeezing my hand. We were talking, joking about old memories and she intently listened to everything.

At about 6pm, we finally removed everything. They gave her more morphine and an oxygen line and at that point we comforted my mother to sleep. Her breathing became more labored and shallow. My mommy went with a smile on her face. She knew everything was going to be ok. I felt her go through the gamut of emotions with no words. She was sad, afraid, content and happy within that hour. Once she knew we were ready to let her go, she was glad.

My mommy was strong, even at the time of her death, she shook her head for us to stop crying. She spent part of her last time on this earth consoling us. When she realized everything was going to be ok, she started closing her eyes. Before her eyes fully closed, she gave us a few smiles, squeezed our hands and went to sleep for good.

My sister said it seems like I went to the acceptance phase really quick. But I've been preparing myself ever since she returned to the hospital because in my spirit I just knew, but I was still in denial it was happening

My mother was always one for teaching and in those last moments she gave me one last lesson. I learned one thing about death. It wasn't about us, this was about her and us doing what she needed to be done at that moment. We needed to be sure she was comfortable and reassured that it was ok for her to go and not to worry about us.

My mommy held on for over 6 years, that's a long time to be sick and in pain. And the entire time she never complained, never fussed. I've been up most of the night crying, but more so the peace on her face when she went. At that moment I felt her love and her peace. She was ready to go with our blessings.

I will always remember the peaceful smile that crossed her face as she squeezed my hand that one last time. It is a beautiful memory. A beautiful memory for a beautiful person.

RIP, Mommy. I love you. I always will.
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