Men, men, men!

Relationships pertaining to the opposite sex has ALWAYS intrigued me. I often wondered what is it about me that attracts certain types of men. All my life I have ALWAYS attracted men that were nearly 10 plus years ahead of me. I call them Pawdy paws. When I was in my teens, it was dudes in their 20's. When I was in my 20's it was dudes in my 30's. My most recent ex was already 30 when I got with him at 26. Now that I'm in my 30's the 40 year olds are starting to hunt me down.

Now with my sister, it's the complete opposite! She attracts all the youngins! She currently has a 21 year old sniffing after her. When we talk on the phone, she's telling me about the 20 somethings that keep hitting on her and I have my stories about the 40+ dudes, with kids damn near MY age, hitting on me!

However, I thank God that I've never attracted abusive men or men who are users. I'm pretty quick on the uptake and can spot a bad situation and get myself out of it. There was really one one huge regret but I learned from that situation and have been doing pretty well so far.

I'm now at the age where I wonder if I will ever be a wife or a mother. I actually have no desire to be a mother, but maybe a wife. I wouldn't mind being a wife to my ex, but he has other issues he's working through. *coughtryingtobeaministercough*

I'm curious and a scientist by nature, so I would often question exes how they felt about me and what they liked and didn't like. The number one complaint/compliment I often get is, I think like a man. I didn't know there was a a male mentality and a female mentality. The way I think is the way Jade thinks. I think therefore I am, right? Not so. I've been called a bastard more times in my life and I've been called a bitch and I've been told it's because I think like a man.

I believed that they were calling me dude-ish, but that wasn't the point. It was I supposedly think through things like a man. I still don't understand WTF that means and don't know if it's a compliment or a complaint.

Looking back on childhood, my friends were often boys. I had a few girl friends too, but I always hung out with boys. Even in College. My closet friends are girls (Shawntan, Nikki, Leondra) but one of my current best friends is a guy.

I swear, I will probably be 90 and on my way out before I truly understand myself. I feel different, but then again I feel the same as if I was 18. I do undertstand one thing, I looooove men. Always have and no matter how much of a fool they act, I always will. Especially my Black men. *fans self*


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