Tis the season.
Yep, it's December and you know what that means? Christmas!!!
The shopping, the food, the dealing with your dysfunctional family. Ahh, the moments. Although, I never get what I want for Christmas, which makes me think. Santa hates me.
10. Your stocking is ticking
9. Every kid gets a candy cane, you get a ball of rusty barbed wire
8. He brings you a new car -- right through the living room wall
7. His expression doesn't seem to be "jolly" so much as "seething and vengeful"
6. FBI bursts into your house saying, "We got a tip from Santa Claus you're hiding Mullah Omar"
5. You're being stalked by an elf hitman
4. You spend ten minutes telling him what you want -- he says, "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"
3. Only item he leaves: a note reading "Your wife was great"
2. "Gift" he just gave your kids -- 2 weeks on a Disney cruise with Michael Jackson
1. His distinctive laugh: "Ho, ho, go screw yourself"
For those of us that absolutely HATE holiday seasons...this one's for you
Top Ten Signs You're Having a Bad Holiday Season
10. All of the Christmas cards you receive are addressed to "Resident."
9. On the one hand you got that great new clock radio; on the other hand there are cruise missiles heading for your palace.
8. You're riding in a one-horse closed sleigh, and your wife keeps whining, "Oh what fun we'd be having if only this were an open sleigh!"
7. A week after Christmas, you notice a bizarre smell coming from the chimney.
6. The first words your Furby says are, "Take me back to the store."
5. You're wrapping presents with rejected drafts of your suicide note.
4. You've had more than one fist fight with a mall cop.
3. Every person you know gets you an industrial-sized bottle of Clearasil.
2. The FBI finds your "genetic material" on Mrs. Claus's dress.
1. Two words: tinsel rash.
1 comment:
I just wanted to come and give some love from O Hell Nawl, then I saw you were from chi-town also.
CHi Town STAnd UP! bunk that it's too cold outside.
Post a Comment