The Car Phenomenon - The act where when two people are in a relationship, the man wants to drive the woman's car, but refuses to let her drive his.
EX: My guy thinks I'm going to let him ride my shit till the wheels fall off, but if I even LOOK at his steering wheel cockeyed, he has a damn heart attack. His reasoning, I don't drive as good as him. Where this flawed logic came from, I have no idea. Since being together for going on six years, I have had TWO cars (my first was a Malibu in which the engine locked up and cracked). Him? SEVEN cars! By his logic, I should keep a cattle prod in the car in case he gets a little antsy!
EX: I used to work overnights for Chase bank. I on lunch break, reading the paper and wearing my headphones. I overhear a girl say she hated me because I was too happy and fat people SHOULDN'T be happy. What the fuck? Seriously? I'm reading the paper and listening to the radio, minding my fat happy business and this wench said she hated me for simply enjoying myself. I almost told her to go eat a dick.
The Cheating Phenomenon - The act in where a person in a relationship cheats on their SO every time their back is turned, but yet once they find out they've been cheated on, they're ready to commit homicide and catch a case. Even worse, they're so paranoid about what they did, they're stalking/hawking their SO to catch them slipping up.
EX: I was working at the tax office and one of the guys there got mad at his girl because he thought she was somewhere with some guy. The SECOND he ends the call with her, he's on the phone with ANOTHER girl, making a date! I mean, she was all kinds of "bitches" and "hos" and "broads." (I swear for living God, I wanted to drag his ass into the street and beat him with a bag of nickels) The second she came BACK into the office, he shut the hell up real quick and had this dumb ass expression on his face. I just gave him the you're-a-fucking-dumbass glare and went back to what I was doing.
The Snitches Phenomenon - The act where a busybody at work, who feels that if they snitch on everyone else, it'll distract from the NON-WORK they're not doing.
EX: This was damn near everyone I worked with at Chase. Damn! The snitching got SO rifuckingdiculious, the manager MADE a position for one of his favorite snitches to report on EVERYTHING that happened on the floor. I was wondering where the hell was I at? Chase? Or Room 112 at Mahalia Jackson Elementary (112 was the Kindergarten room)
The I-may-be-X-but-at-least-I'm-not-fat Phenomenon - The act in which an individual could be hideous, repulsive, disgusting and downright scary thinks they're OK, simply because they're not fat.
EX: I can recall days from college where the most reptilian of guys would get angry at me because I wasn't interested and basically told me I should take what I could get. As I told one, "Neegro puhleeze!" Simply because one is not fluffy (such as myself) does not automatically rid them from other pariah type abilities. Sheesh, in looking at some of them, I'd rather BE fat than BE like them!
The Lonely Girl/Guy Phenomenon - The act in which a girl/guy is so lonely, they will do whatever the fuck it takes to make sure they spread the loneliness around. And I mean around.
EX: When I first got with my guy, you'da thought I was Halle Berry being taken off the market. Motherfuckers came out in droves just to speak ill about him...and HAD NEVER MET HIM.
Him: You know he got five or six hoes on the side right?
Me: So, what does that make me? The Seventh Hoe?
Him: That's not what I said!
Me: Yes you did! You said he had five or six! So that would make me the Sixth or Seventh Hoe.
Him: That's semantics!
Me: You just don't know what the fuck you're talking about!
And it didn't stop there. Anytime I brought my guy out with me, these fools acted a straight ass. It got so bad, I almost stuffed one in the oven and turned it on!
My mother always told me I should have been either a psychologist or a sociologist, because I just notice stuff people do WAY too fucking much!
Cripes!
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